| |
To Be a Geek....
 The dictionary defines "geek" as any person
considered to be different from others in a negative or bizarre way. From
what I understand, the bearer of this reference now carries more
prestigious overtones. The connotation has evolved into something that one
might wish to emulate. I, in fact, confess to the secret harboring of this
aspiration. Alas, with what I have been given as a creature of my place
and time, I am not likely to make even a near-approach to such an unlikely pinnacle. At my zany-zenith best, I shall occupy a warm, wannabe
niche, which is remarkable, in and of itself, taking into account my age
and all.
I might have just
ridden off into the retirement horizon had I not been exposed to the
Instigator Geek who encouraged this late direction. Apart from lugging
around the expected number of dead brain cells, the big challenge has
been my gene-lopsided manner of getting through life in the most
intuitive, nonrational way possible. I don't believe, in my case, that I
was the victim of gender based determinism that routed girls away from
experiencing success in matters mathematical. I was unequivocally hopeless
in this realm. That I later became blocked and anxious when so confronted
does not change the paucity of facility in the first place. I simply
didn't have it and I consistently didn't get it. I still don't.
They took me into grad
school because my verbal/analogy scores were impressive; especially in
relationship to my imbecilic math results. The director of admissions
later told me that I had been invited for an interview because they
couldn't believe it was possible for someone to be so lopsided. I have to
say one thing in my favor though, and that is an unwavering knack for
penetrating appearances. Surfaces don't faze me even when they should.
Hence, understanding that which I don't understand, I reached out to the
promises inherent in the rise of the computer as a mighty fun and
efficacious enhancer of the state of being. I saw it as highly applicable
to the way in which I wished to conduct this phase of my life.
I started out with an
Apple notebook named Merlin and his manual; me, who has never read a
manual on anything. My son and son-in-law saw my glazed expression and
jumped in to orient me. Much later, my son-in-law (an engineer--hereon
referred to as SIL) likened my mind, in these matters, to a "swamp." He
couldn't get over how little I knew. My son (also an engineer) was used
to me and so did not get periodically stunned as did my SIL, who had not
yet been fully exposed to my well-honed lacunae.
 Out
of the Swamp

And so it went. I
progressed primarily due to the patient efforts of the Instigator Geek
(likewise hereon known as I.G.), who introduced me to marvelous things
that I would never have found on my own. The problem, of course, is that
while I was producing these small puffs of magic, I learned little beyond
making Merlin and his successor, Arthur, sit up and play dead. I lacked
basic concepts with which to navigate, and I still do . For a while I
became disgusted with myself and bought a "DOS for Dummies." I announced
to the I.G. that, "I vant to be left alone," in order to master the
driving force under windows. That lasted two days and then I didn't "vant
to be left alone" anymore with Arthur or any other hostile hardware.
To cheer me up, the I.G. proposed that we work on a home page for me. I
think I.G. was afraid I was about to cash in my computer chips. Dazed,
depressed, and totally incapable of downloading Real Audio, I agreed.
Soon, however, with replenished endorphins, and refreshed from several
days of webbing, I approached the I.G. with the notion that we put up a
zine. After all, I thought, the I.G. is an artist and poet (I.G. would
demur on this characterization), and I am a geezer who surely has something to say. Put it all together and you could well have a bloody awful piece of work.
Never mind that. The
value, it turns out, is in the doing of it. Forced to decide and provide,
the mind calls in all its favors, and a pace is set to reach the goal. The
collaborative method between the Instigator Geek and the Geezer works
well with e-mail. Division of labor is determined by gravity; it falls to
whoever knows how to do it. Thus, in all likelihood, Geezer, when the
time comes, will be able to meet her Maker in the same crystallized,
lopsided, out of the loop fashion in which she has become ossified. The
Instigator Geek, when her time is up, will go straight to Heaven.

In trying to get things in Geezer's head, she will have suffered enough in Hell.

--Nimrod the GeezerGeek
Copyright 1997 The Courage of Our Confusion. All Rights Reserved. Comments? E-mail comments@confusio.com
|