Last night I had the wind taken out of my sails.
I took a computer brain test and got the results. What can I say? After all these years of camouflage,
smoke-screens and a perfected elusiveness that even fooled me, I've been nailed by a machine! Ahh
yes, my bitter and battered Kasparov, I too have had my deep blue come down. Let me rush to say that
my self-delusive function does not extend so far as to place me in the same class with the chess
wunderkind; I'm simply drawing on the basic similarities inherent in the man/machine thing. I'm
cunning enough to, at least, avoid being branded as grandiose, although the computer had precious few
NICE things to say about me.The test consisted of twenty questions, each having three possible
choices. The only thing asked of one at the beginning was to type in one's first name. I should have
put in someone else's; that way I wouldn't have taken it so personally. At the end of the questions, a
brain graphic appears on the screen with a little moving blip that starts from a mid-point of the two
spheres and ominously makes its way to its place of repose indicating the exact location of your
cerebral command post.A box titled "personal evaluation" prompts you to beg the computer to rub in
the results. Naturally, you do so.
"Madam, you show a moderate right hemisphere dominance with a
strong preference for auditory learning". . . and, so on; so far, so good. However, it soon became
apparent that the tone was getting snide. Precious few nice things said notwithstanding, I began to
feel pursued and persecuted. Most of the feed-back was accurate; that was the terrible thing. How
could the machine be so cruel! As if to end on a conciliatory note, the print-out conceded
that,"you're not totally chaotic, but organization, planning and structure do not come naturally to
you."
As for me, I fear leaving the house. The dread "Hawthorne Effect" in
full blown operation!
--Nimrod
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